Good Manners

“Really big people are, above everything else, courteous, considerate and generous – not just to some people in some circumstances – but to everyone all the time.”

- Thomas J. Watson

              Most of us know the basics of saying “please” and “thank you,” not talking with food in our mouth, opening the door for others or giving an elderly person our seat on the bus.  Those are important and a sign of good manners, but true manners go much deeper.  Manners and courtesy are shown in how we treat other people in both public and private life.

              Manners are not a skill (although we do need to work on improving them) or talent but a behavior.  Because of that, no one can say they do not have the ability to show good manners or that rudeness is their natural talent. You do have control over your behavior. Remember that God gave you control over only one thing in the entire universe and that is you.

              Ritz-Carlton’s business motto is one of my favorites:  “We are ladies and gentlemen serving ladies and gentlemen.” Isn’t that the best?  This I believe should be the personal motto of anyone looking to have a successful life. It assumes two extremely important things.  One is that you are a lady or gentleman.  If you believe yourself to be, so you will be.  If you start behaving like a lady or gentleman, your whole perspective on the world around you changes. The second is that you see others as ladies and gentlemen.  When you start treating others as if they were, so shall they be.  It is a wonderful win-win.

“Life is not so short but that there is always time for courtesy.”

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

              Good manners show others that you value them and respect them.  It also shows others you have value and respect for yourself.  Manners show confidence, discipline and dependability.  Think about it—don’t you think higher of a person you shows good manners than one who is rude and thoughtless?  Say you’re a business professional looking at two candidates for a job, both with the same qualifications and experience. One has good manners, is properly dressed and positive. The other is slouching, looks like he has been dragged from under the bed and complains.  Who are you going to hire?

              This does not mean that people with good manners have no fun or don’t joke around.  You can be the funniest guy in the room.  Good manners does not mean being straight-laced; it is just being courteous and polite to others.  It reminds me of an A.A. Milne story where Winnie the Pooh invites Tigger to his party:

Pooh:  “Oh Tigger, where are your manners?”

Tigger:  “I don’t know, but I bet they’re having more fun than I am.”

              Don’t be deceived into thinking that being “selectively polite” is showing good manners.  Nothing is ruder than a phony.  You can pick phonies out of a crowd time.  They are the Eddie Haskell (for those old enough to remember ‘Leave It to Beaver’) of the group.  They are polite and courteous to those who have influence or power over them, or from whom they can gain something.  But when they are with family and friends, they become rude and unkind.  Don’t think you are not noticed.  Fake manners smell like old fish.

              

Fake manners tell people that you cannot be trusted and that you are not truthful.  It says that you lack the integrity needed to move toward success.  American Philosopher, Eric Hoffer put it this way, “Rudeness is the weak man’s imitation of strength.” 

               True manners also stand out every time.  People are attracted to those who show good manners.  We want to be around them, we go to them for help and we refer them to others.  Nothing will take you farther in the business world than good manners.  Good manners breed a positive attitude and tell others that you can be trusted.  When you hear gossip, you never hear someone being criticized for being too polite.

“Be pretty if you can, be witty if you must, but be gracious if it kills you.”

-- Elise De Wolfe

              Developing good manners is not a difficult thing at all.  It is just being aware of how you act toward others.  As I said in the beginning of this piece, we all know the basics.  You don’t need to take a class or to read a dozen books.  Yes, you can develop good manners into a career which means you will need to learn the finer points of etiquette, but that is a different topic.  For most of us, it is just knowing how to be kind to others and showing our respect and appreciation for them.

              Here are a few simple things to remember:

1.      Always say “please” and “thank you.”

2.      Never talk unkindly of others or gossip.

3.      Look for ways you can be helpful and kind to others.

4.      Smile and look at people to whom you talk.

5.      Shake hands and call people by name.

6.      Remember that you are an example to others.

“Associate with well-mannered persons, and your manners will improve.  Run around with decent folk, and your own decent instincts will be strengthened.”

-- Stanley Walker

              On the road to success in life you will make many investments.  Some will cost you dearly, but some of the most impactful will cost you nothing. Good manners will be one of your most valuable assets and will do more for you professionally, socially and personally than anything else.  Remember you manners.  This is not your mother talking, it is wisdom itself.

“He has shown you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you, but to do justly, and to love kindness and mercy, and to humble yourself and walk humbly with your God.”

-- Micah 6:8 (amp)

             

©  Jack Hickey 2010