It's Not the Answers but the Questions That Count

“It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.”  -- James Thurber

When my girls were little I told them that they could ask me anything and I would always give them and answer.  I told them if I didn’t know the answer I would make one up.  Now that they are adults this is kind of a family joke (even through they are still finding things I told them were just stories).  It is fun to laugh about it.  They would say, “How do you know that?”  and my response was always, “I’m a Dad.  I know everything”.

That is okay for family fun, but sadly in the real world we also know those who have all the answers.  There are people who do believe they know it all and will gladly answer any question you may have.  They will also gladly make an answer up before they will admit that they don’t know something.

I have learned that answers are easy; it is the questions that get hard, and that can make all the difference.  Egyptian novelist and Nobel Prize winner, Naquib Mahfouz said, “You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers.  You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions.”  Asking the right question can change your whole life.  The key is to know how to ask a question, and why to ask a question.

“If you spend more time asking appropriate questions rather than giving answers or opinions, your listening skills will increase.”  -- Brian Koslow

There are several reasons that we ask questions.  Each has its own type of question and reason for asking.  These questions can be directed to yourself (the one you ask the most questions of), an instructor, and a leader or loved one.  The thing to remember is that questions must be thought out and asked for a purpose.  If you ask just to carry on conversation you will not even listen to an answer because you will not care.  And above all things, we ask questions because we care.

“The important thing is not to stop questioning.” – Albert Einstein

1)     We ask questions so we can learn.

One of the problems with our educational system is that we are too busy giving student’s answers and not teaching them how to ask questions.  We learn by asking the who, what, why, where, when and how questions.  Facts mean nothing if we do not have a reason for learning them.

Here is an example:  You can learn that the Battle of Gettysburg happened on July 1-3, 1863 in Gettysburg, PA during the American Civil War.  That is just a fact.  No reason for knowing it, no reason for remembering it.  However, if you get a student (we are all students) to ask, who was involved?  Not just Generals and leaders, but the people.  Where did they come from and why did they go?  What was the battle about?  Not just the Civil War, why did they fight this battle at this time in this place?  There are reasons and those reasons are worth knowing.  They allow us to identify with our past and to understand why people behave the way they do.

When you are asking learning questions be sure to ask the who, what, why, where, when and how.  Ask questions that give you the answers you need to know.  Not just facts but also feelings.  The more you understand the more you will learn.

 “I never learn anything talking.  I only learn things when I ask questions.”  -- Lou Holtz

2)     We ask questions so we can grow.

It is impossible to grow, personally, spiritually or professionally without asking questions…lots of them!  Tony Robbins puts it this way, “The only true security in life comes from knowing that every single day you are improving yourself in some way, that you are increasing the caliber of who you are and that you are valuable to your company, your friends, and your family.”  That growth happens by asking the right questions to yourself and others.

Questions will find answers.  The draw back is they will find answers only to the question asked, which means, ask a bad question and you get a bad answer.  All questions should be empowering and create forward motion.  Let me give you and example of a common question we ask our self every day.

You are trying to get something done but come across blocks in the road.  You ask yourself, “Why can’t I get this right.”  This is a negative question that assumes that you cannot get it right.  A better question is, “How can I do this better?”  That assumes that you can do it, you just need to find a better way.  You will find a positive answer that will help you move forward for this type of question.

 “The key to wisdom is knowing all the right questions.”  -- John A. Simone, Sr.

3)     We ask questions so we can be encouraged.

Encouragement is not some slap on the back, you can do it pep talk.  Encouragement is knowing you have the ability and knowledge to achieve what you need to.  To know that you can achieve, you must ask the right questions.  It is never a “Can I do this?” question but a “How can I do this?” question.

Be willing to learn something new to do something you never did before to get the results you have not had before.  Og Mandino said, “Take the attitude of a student, never be too big to ask questions, never know too much to learn something new.”  If you do not know how to do something ask how.  Do not pretend to know.  The only people who succeed are those who are not afraid to ask how.

“No man really becomes a fool until he stops asking questions.” – Charles Steinmetz

4)     We ask questions so we can succeed.

Some of the best materials I have heard and read on the principals of asking questions are from Tony Robbins.  He has an understand of this beyond most.  Tony says, “Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers.”  How are your questions?  How can they be better?

There is this myth that successful people do not ask questions anymore they only give out answers.  The people who do that are not the successful ones.  You listen to successful people and you will hear many, many questions.  The difference is they are questions that are thought out, empowering, positive and with a purpose.

Never think that there is a place where you will not need to ask questions.  As long as we are learning, growing, encouraging and succeeding, you will have questions.  Your questions will lead you to your purpose and the fulfillment of that purpose in life.  There is an African proverb that says, “The one who asks questions doesn’t lose his way.”  Ask many and ask often.

“Take risks.  Ask big questions.  Don’t be afraid to make mistakes; if you don’t make mistakes, you’re not reaching far enough.” – David Packard

© Jack Hickey 2010