Can You Forgive And Yet Not Forget?

“Forgiveness changes the memory of our past into a hope for our future.” - Lewis B. Smedes

Forgiveness is a very difficult issue at times.  We all know that we need to forgive.  We need to do it for those who offend or hurt us and we need to do it for ourselves.  Yet there are those time when it is hard to forgive, close to impossible in fact.  There are also those times when we do not want to forgive.

                In the mist of all the emotion and turmoil, success-minded people know that we really must forgive.  Un-forgiveness is a trap that allows others to control our lives.  It is an infection that poisons our mind and heart to the point of destruction.  Dr. Smedes, who I quoted above, also said, "To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."  The thing about un-forgiveness is that the person it tends to hurt most is yourself.

                Here are a few steps that can help you to achieve forgiveness.  I do want to recognize that there are some hurts that run very deep and are very difficult to forgive.  For these, we may need help to move past them.  There is no shame or weakness in seeking the help of a trained counselor in such cases.  The key is to move past the hurt and get back to living free.

Decide To Forgive

                The first step in forgiving a wrong is to make the decision that you will forgive.  Forgiveness is a choice that we make.  It is not dependent on the other person's actions or thoughts but only by our own.  Some may say, "They did not apologize or ask to be forgiven."  That does not matter.  You are the one giving the forgiveness, and it is your choice.  You have the power here, not the offender.

Let Go And Move On

                We have all been told that if we really forgive we will forget the offence.  As a person of faith, I have hear many times that God forgives and forgets and so should we.  I tell you both statements are wrong.  God does forgive, no matter what the offence, however, He does not forget.  Where scripture says in Jeremiah 31:34, “For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.” He is not saying that His memory is blank.  What God is saying is that He will never again hold those sins against us.  God never loses His memory, He knows all things all the time.

                As humans, we are not capable of forgetting.  In your mind are all the memories of your life.  To think that you must lose a memory in order to forgive in not only impossible but foolish.  Forgiveness is letting go of the offense and not holding it against that person any longer.  It is not, I repeat, NOT pretending like it did not happen.  If someone is abusive or has committed a crime against you, you do indeed need to forgive, you also need not to forget.  Sometimes we need to never allow the person to commit the offense again.  You move on, allowing the hurt to heal and being much wiser in the process.

Look Forward Not Behind

                One of the things un-forgiveness does is it traps us in the past.  We are always think about the past offense, the way it happened, how we should have responded.  Looking at the past causes us to seek revenge or to return the hurt some way.  Freedom through forgiveness means you can look forward with hope and excitement to the future.  The chains that bound you to the past and crippled you are gone and you are free to become all you can be.  Just as un-forgiveness brings bondage and suffering, so forgiveness brings freedom and hope.

To read more from John Patrick Hickey or to get his books, training and book him to speak to your church, business or group, visit our website at http://www.growthcenter.net or www.johnpatrickhickey.com.   © 2013 John Patrick Hickey