Four Things Not to Do in an Argument
" The only way to
get the best of an argument is to avoid it."
- Dale Carnegie
(1888-1955)
Author/Speaker
The most important
advice when it comes to dealing with arguments is that from Mr. Carnegie in our
opening quote - don't have one. 90% of
the time arguments are more a recreational activity than something to clear up
a disagreement. People like to argue and
debate and sometimes that can be okay, if that has a purpose. Orville and Wilber Wright were known to argue
a lot. Their friend and co-worker,
Charlie Taylor use to talk of how they would argue back and forth and then somehow
would trade positions. Orville would
start taking Wilber's side and Wilber would take Orville's. This allowed them to think through things and
come up with answers. Yes, it was a bit
strange but it got the job done.
I would like to pass on some
advice about what not to do when you find yourself in a disagreement. We all have them, and again, that is not all
bad. It can help us to think and to see
the views of others. But it can also be
very unproductive, hurtful and destroy good friendships.
1). Don't argue just to prove you
are right
We can have a useful debate or
disagreement with someone if our goal is to find the truth. What tends to happen is people do not want to
find the truth, they want to prove they are right. That type of thinking shuts the door to
learning, discovery and the greatest treasure of all - the knowledge that you
are wrong. A useful debate is one where
you state your side or belief and allow the other person to give theirs. If you disagree that is okay, just be willing
to see the other side and not to make them always see yours.
2). Don't argue just to argue
We all know those people who
will disagree with everything you say.
Many times they really do not care about the subject, but they do care
about the argument. Do not engage them. Just walk away and allow them to think they
won the argument. For these people this
is their moment of glory. Many feel they
have nothing to offer so they argue to prove - mostly to themselves - they have
purpose. It is sad, but it is also a
waste of time.
3). Don't get mad
Never allow yourself to get mad
or take an argument personal. If the
disagreement leads to name calling or angry words, it is no longer a productive
argument and you must walk away. Here is
something important to remember: The one who walks away is the winner because
they have taken control. In the words of
French Philosopher, Jean-Jacques Rousseau, "Insults are the arguments
employed by those who are in the wrong."
4). Don't ever argue with a fool
I am sorry, but there are some
people who are just too foolish to be heard.
You know the ones who have arguments about some of the dumbest things
there are. Those who argue about the end
of the world or that there are great conspiracies going on. Never allow yourself to be lowered to this
level. If you are engaged by such a
person, walk away and do not look back.
There is nothing less productive and less healthy than to argue with a
fool about foolish things. Remember the
wise words of Mark Twain, "Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be
able to tell the difference."
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